Scotland

If there is a place that I love more than anything now, it has to be Scotland.

It is truly beautiful, inside and out. There is so much history hidden behind the walls and curves of every road. It honestly feels as though you are in a movie or a book. There are so many nooks and crannies; from alley ways to hidden walkways that lead to unique shops and cafes.

You can see the beautiful Edinburgh castle, resting on the edge of a cliff. Looking as if it is about to tip over into the picturesque town. Brief glimpses of the castle pours through the spaces in between buildings.

When we had first gotten here, a smile was plastered to my face. I couldn’t help it, Scotland has a way of doing that to you.

So far we have gone on the infamous Harry Potter tour (which is free by the way), a night ghost tour, Edinburgh castle, New Town, and Old town.

You could sit in a cafe, reading, writing, and even people watching for hours at a time. The streets are filled with stores and covered with merchants in small tents. You also have the entertainers doing magic tricks, playing instruments, or simply just having a very cute dog with sunglasses on.

We are leaving tomorrow and we have sadly only been here for one full day but it was completely worth it.

I am in shell shock and wish endlessly to spend more time here.

Love,

Caity

P.S. here are some pics from the trip đź’› https://breathingwithcaity.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/img_2336.mov

Living In The Past

It’s a hard thing to let go of things, at least for me.

I have a tendency to dwell on past occurrences and it winds up just biting me in the ass. Sometimes holding onto things can be beneficial if it comes to bettering yourself. But all in all, you just got to move on.

You have to trust that the universe or whoever is out there watching over you, wants you to let that negativity go and simply learn from it.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be open to change. It’s okay to forgive the past and move on.

Don’t you realize when you hold onto moments of anger, resentment, sadness, and betrayal that you start to feel more negative and pessimistic about life?

That has to say something in itself.

So stop living in the past. Forgive those who have betrayed you or done you wrong. Accept that people have made mistakes, just as you have.

Don’t look back, keep moving forward. Now it’s your time to focus on the present and being the best self you can possibly be.

I promise you will live a life that is more fulfilling and happier.

Love,

I Am Free!

After all of the grueling days spent with fevers and an endless amount of pain, I am finally free.

I got out my PICC line out along with stopping all of the antibiotics and I couldn’t be happier.

I feel good, for once. My lungs don’t feel as though a pile of bricks is on them. I am no longer coughing to the point that I throw up. I am able to actually stand and go about life without possibly fainting.

I am also happy to announce that I am officially going to England this summer. It was a spur of the moment decision I made a month or so ago, I was able to get in all the documents, forms, and payments. Now it is official that I am heading off and I am so so excited.

I will only be gone for three weeks where I will take a creative writing course of some sort to get credits. I do not know what to expect but I do have family over there so hopefully, they can guide me if everything gets to be too much.

I love traveling and I always will. Being admitted through the dates that I was supposed to go on a trip was absolutely devastating. But you can’t plan for things to happen (now I know to always purchase travel insurance), life works in its own way.

In the hospital, I just kept thinking of getting away and seeing the most beautiful views in England.

Speaking of when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t tell you how grateful I was for all of the people who stopped to visit me. Even though it wasn’t that long of a stay, people came to see me and it meant the absolute world to me. So to those special people, thank you so so much for giving me company, cards, sweet treats, etc. I will always remember it and cherish you.

This admission was different than most because I truly was going about my medical decisions by myself. I spent every night alone and handled my doctors without my family. I actually felt like an adult for once and yes, it was terrifying but it kind of felt good too.

Twenty is really changing who I am and I am just going along with it.

Love,

 

 

Toronto, Canada (Day 3 and 4)

The journey continued into our two final days in Canada. The third day was spent exploring Toronto as much as we could. While the fourth day we squeezed in one more sight before heading back home.

On the third day, we went through the Fashion District, Kensington Market, and the Distillery District. The beginning of the day was spent in the Fashion District where we went in a bunch of different antique places and vintage clothing stores. To see all the different fabrics and designs dispersed through the clothing of different stores was fascinating. We were always welcomed with big smiles and questions as to where we were from.

From there we went to the Grafitti Wall. It was below zero but we were able to get a few pictures and tried to admire the artwork as much as we could. We also spent some of our time at one of the biggest malls I had ever been to, the CF Toronto Eaton Centre.

Our next stop was the Distillery District that had a plethora of shops and art. We had stopped in a building filled with art that had four floors. There were artists that had their doors open so people could come and admire their work. We talked to a few artists who explained their pieces to us.

The final night came to an end in a Mexican radio bar with Modelos, quesadillas, and some churros. We packed the car ready to leave for the next day. Upset that we couldn’t spend more time in a place where we made so many memories and laughs.

We woke up at 7 am prepared for the long drive but of course, we had to go to one last place to adventure; Niagara Falls.

Let me just tell you, if you have not been here before, it is a must that you go some point in your life. It was the most breathtaking view I have ever seen in my entire life. Driving up the road to see the very edges of the falls and the blue hues that resonated, was astounding

It was so beautiful.

We walked our way through the path, eager to see Niagara Falls in its entirety. All you could hear was the crashing of the water. You felt complete and utter peace. The water was an unexpected teal blue with darker hues interwoven within it. An eerie mist arose from the falls and made it even more breathtaking.

After seeing that, we picked up a few things from the souvenir shop and continued our eight-hour drive.

Canada, thank you for all of the amazing moments you gave me. You were the first place I traveled to without any supervision. You were the place that truly threw me into needing to travel as much as I can.

Don’t worry, I am coming back. Whether it’s this summer or next year, I can’t wait to make even more amazing memories with you.

Love,

Coming to Terms

Yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment that shook me to my core.

I don’t really want to go into details but there is a lot that I need to think about with my future.

It’s crazy to think that every choice I make about my health right now, will affect how long I live.

I am only twenty-years-old and I have to consider making a living will.

How is that possible?

I have just begun my life of exploring myself and the world.

It’s in these moments where I want to go up to every person that walks by me and say, “Live your life to the fullest. Live every day like it is your last. Appreciate every moment and memory you make and never regret a thing because it was meant to happen that way for a reason. Love your body and take care of it. Treasure every breath and step you take in life, it means more than you think.”

I always try to stay positive but over the years I have realized, it’s okay not to be positive.

It’s okay to feel down about yourself or down about life.

For there to be positivity, there needs to be negativity to balance it out.

After all, the awful things that you go through in life make you appreciate the good.

It’s taking those situations and realizing that its a part of life and you just got to keep going. Keep hoping. Keep praying that it will all work out in the end.

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I Want To Travel The World

If there’s one thing that I want to do in life, its to travel the world.

I want to experience every culture, see every country, and be in the shoe’s of others lives.

I want my perspective to change and grow.

I want to be amazed at all the beauty that lies within the roots of humanity.

To see how different we are, yet how similar.

To meet people who influence my mind in ways I didn’t even know were possible.

I want my breath to catch at the sight of something so magnificent.

I just want to live life so fully that I look back later in life and say, “God damn, was I lucky”.

I want an endless amount of memories from my travels, no matter how far or close they may be.

I am ready to take on this world and travel across it, as much as I can.

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Pieces.

The thing is when people are cut out of our lives, there are still pieces of them that remain.

Old photographs you try to hide, somehow ending up on your nightstand. Or clothes you find in the corner of your room that you wore at a specific moment in time with them.

Whenever I drive past a place where a memory was made, it’s like I am instantly brought back to that moment when I was with that person.

I can see my old self with them, just living a normal life.

I look back on those moments and wish that I could have told myself what I know now.

But that’s not how life works.

You are meant to go through situations in order to learn from them, as painful as they may be.

What you overcome is what helps you grow.

Grow as an individual, grow in experience, grow in love.

There will always be pieces of that person lingering within your life because they were once a major part of it.

Once you accept that and not let it weigh you down in your new life, that’s when you can truly move on.

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