Scotland

If there is a place that I love more than anything now, it has to be Scotland.

It is truly beautiful, inside and out. There is so much history hidden behind the walls and curves of every road. It honestly feels as though you are in a movie or a book. There are so many nooks and crannies; from alley ways to hidden walkways that lead to unique shops and cafes.

You can see the beautiful Edinburgh castle, resting on the edge of a cliff. Looking as if it is about to tip over into the picturesque town. Brief glimpses of the castle pours through the spaces in between buildings.

When we had first gotten here, a smile was plastered to my face. I couldn’t help it, Scotland has a way of doing that to you.

So far we have gone on the infamous Harry Potter tour (which is free by the way), a night ghost tour, Edinburgh castle, New Town, and Old town.

You could sit in a cafe, reading, writing, and even people watching for hours at a time. The streets are filled with stores and covered with merchants in small tents. You also have the entertainers doing magic tricks, playing instruments, or simply just having a very cute dog with sunglasses on.

We are leaving tomorrow and we have sadly only been here for one full day but it was completely worth it.

I am in shell shock and wish endlessly to spend more time here.

Love,

Caity

P.S. here are some pics from the trip đź’› https://breathingwithcaity.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/img_2336.mov

The Hard Times

All I could feel was shooting pain in my abdomen and chest as I awoke from my drugged daze. It felt as though I couldn’t breathe and I started gasping for air.

I had oxygen pouring through the cannula in my nose yet it felt like every breath was not full, the pain resonating through my body leaving me in tears.

I looked around me to see someone I loved or knew. I was so scared. All I remember were seeing the doctors and nurses talking, telling me to relax and that they will give me more medication to help with the pain. Then darkness.

The next time I woke up, my mom and my grandmother were by my side and I had never been more appreciative than at that moment.

It’s when you go through the absolute hardest things in life, you realize who truly has your back; the people that are willing to be there no matter what difficulties you may be facing.

I was and am currently going through one of those very rough times. I am in excruciating pain because of my gallbladder surgery. Getting the surgery done has also affected my lungs which have led to an endless amount of coughing and crying in pain because of it.

Recovering from a surgery results in a plethora of time with yourself and your thoughts. It’s easy to feel isolated when watching through your phone, the lives of friends, family, and acquaintances living their life. And it’s easy to feel even more isolated when some of the people you love don’t reach out nor try to lend a comforting hand when you are going through those hard times.

Yes, I am strong and can deal with many of life’s obstacles with a smile. But that doesn’t mean that I am not suffering or in need of support time after time.

Living with a life-threatening illness, there’s this heartbreaking moment that forces its way into your life. The moment where you realize the people you thought would be there for you through absolutely everything, wind up letting you down.

In a way, it narrows down the people who truly care about you and the people who don’t.

It also makes you appreciate the amazing people in your life. Those that hold your hand through the ups and downs. Those who wipe away your tears and tell you that everything is going to be okay.  Those who run to get you your favorite food at Chic fil a. Those who send you mail filled with love and prayer. Those who come over just to lay down on the couch with you and watch movies.

Those are the special people and I am lucky enough to have them in my life.

It’s also through these hard times, that I have seen an outpouring of love. From people sending me messages to Facebook posts to getting me little gifts that make me smile. So many amazing people that have honestly made recovering easier and has given me the most positive outlook.

So this is for all of those people who have had my back and have supported me recently (and always), thank you so so much. I honestly don’t know what I would do without all of your love. I appreciate you more than you know and I will always remember how you were there for me.

Love,

The Little Things

A little bit of a life update: I am currently in the hospital for a lung exacerbation and it sucks. It sucks more than the usual sucking because I had planned on traveling this week. Timing is the absolute worst especially when you try to plan things out, even more so, when you have a life-threatening lung disease.

It is now two days since I stepped foot into the emergency room of the hospital. I was in pain; every breath seemed to exert far more energy than usual, my head throbbing, sweating and then growing cold again, and my cough left me huddled in a ball trying to hinder the pain as much as I could. It honestly felt like it would never end.

With my mom by my side, we sat in the chairs waiting. My name hadn’t even been called to put in the system. I held a box of tissues in my sweaty palm while a mask covered my face making it even harder to breathe. And then the tears just came pouring down, I couldn’t stop them.

It was another one of those life-defining moments. Those moments where it seems you are looking at yourself from a third person view. Seeing myself, pale, hunched over, having shameless tears that were slowly absorbing into my mask. This was the Caity I didn’t want to see nor did I like seeing.

I wanted to be the glowy, happy Caity that only had to worry about school, her job, and the people in her life.

I wanted to be the Caity that could travel to any place and be okay.

But that wasn’t me and the reality of it all is this Caity is always going to be around. Cystic fibrosis is going to have an impact on me for the rest of my life. It will always be a part of me.

So although I may not like seeing myself in such a state, I have to accept it.

Because the thing about us, as people, is we forget that we are human beings.

Human beings that go through so much, the wear and tear of the soul and the body. Every day we are constantly faced with a challenge and it might not be a life-altering one but it still affects you and everything in your life.

You aren’t perfect and that’s 100% okay. Because it’s in those moments where you feel at your absolute worst where you truly see how strong and amazing you are. It shows that you are real and struggle and I find that beautiful.

I still don’t know for sure how long I will be in here (I will keep you all updated). I still find ways to appreciate the little things like getting sour patch kids or having amazing people come and visit me to make my day. The love from my family and friends through every platform (texts, phone calls, Facebook posts/comments, etc.) mean the world to me and I am so grateful for the people in my life.

It’s really the little things that help you push through.

Love,

Toronto, Canada (Day 1 and 2)

I have never done so much nor had so much fun in just the bit of time that I have spent at a place like I have here.

My cousin, her two college besties and I, road tripped from New Jersey to Canada with only knowing where we were staying.

Not a day was planned out. We obviously made a list of things we had to see and do but other then that, it was all up in the air and I absolutely loved it.

The trip to Toronto, Canada started at 4 am and ended around 12 pm. I was only living on three hours of sleep so I could barely keep my eyes open but we made it (thank god).

It was actually kind of peaceful, driving. Everyone else was passed out while I just played my jams cruising down the winding roads (which I didn’t realize how dangerous they could be even if you tried to stay at the speed limit).

The car ride was spent either sleeping, stopping at Dunkin, getting gas, gossiping, jamming out, or searching up what to expect when we got to the border.

Right when we got to Canada, we screamed our heads off because we couldn’t believe that we actually did it.

Us, 19/20 year olds, going to another country all by ourselves. It was a pretty big deal to us at least.

After driving further into Canada, we went to a restaurant around our Air B and B called Loose Moose. They had the best burgers ever and it was super artsy.

After that we got to our Air B and B and slept for a few hours since we were all pretty exhausted.

We woke up, made more food, and went out to the town. We looked up different bars we could go to and went for it.

The first bar we went to wasn’t really for the younger crowd but we still hung around and had a good time.

The next bar was called the Underground. It was covered in different colored lights and bras were strung across the ceiling like decorations. Music blasted from the speakers and from the moment we stepped into the place, we couldn’t stop dancing.

We had an amazing time meeting very different kinds of people. The night ended with a visit to Tim Hortons (which is kind of like a Dunkin Donuts mixed with a Wawa). As we tripped and stumbled our way back home, we couldn’t stop laughing and talking about everything that happened earlier in the night.

I didn’t know Kristina’s college friends all that much but we definitely got to grow closer from all the memories we made. They are the sweetest, most kindest people.

That was just all the first day and the second day would be even better.

We spent the second day going to the CN tower, it was so beautiful to see the city and everything that surrounded it. We also went to Ripleys aquarium that had a 360 view of the shark tank which was pretty awesome.

For dinner, we went to a restaurant that Drake, the rapper, had been involved with (he named it). It was so delicious and a bit more expensive than anything else we ate in Canada but definitely worth it all.

Our day turned into a night spent at a Harry Potter themed bar called, The Lockhart. If you love Harry Potter (even just a little bit), you HAVE to go here. From drinks to the posters and art that covered the walls, it made you feel like you were truly in Harry Potter.

We only have two days left here but I plan to spend all of them the right way. I can’t wait for more memories to be made. I feel so lucky to be able to even experience this and do it with amazing people who truly bring out the best in me.

Love,

Here is the video I finally got done:

Be Bold

It’s easy to let yourself fall into the grips of others.

Many people bring negativity around, in order to lessen your light.

The light that is your passions, dreams, and the unique traits that make you who you are.

You, the person reading this right now, are capable of changing this world and changing lives. Whatever purpose you want to fulfill in your life, you will do it.

You have that light, trust me, you do.

It kills me when I hear people say they cannot do something because they fear the judgment of others or they believe it won’t give them immediate satisfaction/success they yearn for.

This is what hinders you from truly shining brightly.

Go for whatever the hell you want to do. It can be the craziest and most unpredictable thing but if it gives you that motivation to live life to the absolute fullest, go for it.

If it brings you happiness, do it.

If you have a true passion for it, do it.

Forget about all of the fears or judgments.

This is your life. Live it boldly. In whatever way you want.

Be bold. 

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Featured

Cozumel, Mexico

It was the first time that I had ever been to Mexico.

I didn’t know what to expect.

It was breathtaking. The waters were a deep, crystal blue that differed from the dirty Jersey shore waters that I was used to.

The sun was beaming down on us but a nice breeze wavered over to lessen it.

My two cousins, Nicole and Kristina, and I rented a Jeep for the day. We just drove around Cozumel, exploring the seas and getting a feel for what Mexico was all about.

When stepping off the cruise ship, we were bombarded by an endless amount of people asking if they could give us a tour or to buy ‘this’ or ‘that’.

After picking through the different car deals, we found ours for a good price and we were off.

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We had no idea where we were going, all we used was a map that we picked up randomly.

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Driving, the views were insane. The bluest waves crashed down onto the white sand, rocks covered the edge of the water. There was so much wildlife, lizards, exotic birds, greenery, the land was just so lively and beautiful.

We blasted Spanish music and cruised down the winding roads with the windows down. A smile never leaving my face as I soaked up the sun rays.

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Our time was limited but we made the best we could out of it. Whenever we drove past anything that looked interesting or different, we stopped to explore.

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We saw multiple beaches, stopped at tiny shops on the side of the road, and climbed up a tower that had at least 500 steps.

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Honestly one of the best parts was after we had been traveling all over Cozumel, we tried to look for a good place to eat.

We found a little shack hidden on the side of the road, with a restaurant connected to a shop with unique little trinkets.

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Walking in, there were words covered all over the walls, the tables, the chairs, and the ceiling. Writings of names, lovers, friends, families, and musicians.

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As we ordered our food, a mariachi band was singing to different tables and made their way to ours. Their voices and instruments were loud and boisterous, you couldn’t help but move along with the beat.

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The restaurant was pulled up right against the sea. The waves lapped over the cement that lied at the end of the building. You could hear birds chirping as they flew over the waters.

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After our meal, they gave us shots of tequila for our farewell.

I wish we could have stayed there longer but the time we spent there was so worth it. I’ll just have to make it my mission to go back there and really explore all of the parts of Mexico.

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Boston, M.A.

Around three years ago, I went here when I visited a college with my cousins, Kristina and Nicole.

It has left a memorable mark on me because I still crave to go back.

The beauty of the city is a complete understatement.

It is filled with so many stunning views and the cleanliness of the city was very surprising.

I went during the summer so I haven’t experienced Boston its entirety, but let me tell you it was amazing.

The video above was one that I made from my time there. Don’t mind the awful videography, I was still learning.

We took a ferry from Long Island, NY in the early hours of the morning. It was a beautiful, purple shadowed sunrise and I loved every bit of it. From there, we drove to Boston.

If you don’t know the song, “Boston” by Augustana, I highly suggest you listen to it because that was all that played through my head my whole time there.

My cousin, Nicole, had some connections so we were able to get a very nice hotel room with the perfect view of the city.

We spent our days walking up and down the streets, visiting Thrift shops, small stores, food markets, and basically anything that interested us.

We went to the Skywalk Observatory where we could see all of Boston. It was in the Prudential Tower and you were able to go up to the 50th floor that gave you a 360 view of the city. The floor was littered with different facts about Boston and the people that made it even more remarkable.

We had ice cream at this cute little shop. They were known for making the ice cream in the shape of a rose so of course, we had to get that.

The weather was just right especially at night, you could wear anything you wanted and still feel comfortable.

We only spent two days and a night there, but we made sure to end with a bang by going to the Breakfast Club on our last day.

It’s a quaint, little diner, notorious for being based on the movie, The Breakfast Club. The walls were covered with memorabilia from the 80’s. They had “library specials” which were different food specials based on the names from the movie such as “The Princess” (Of course, I had it), “The Dork”, “The Criminal”, “The Jock”, etc. And let me tell you, it was banging.

On our way home from Boston, we made a stop at Wahlburgers after hearing rave views about it and for our family loving the Wahlberg brothers. It’s another place I definitely suggest.

I had so much fun there and made so many memories.

Boston, you have my heart and I am definitely going to come back.

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