Finding Ourselves

I’ve had this predicament ever since I started my teenage years. As a kid, I always was just who I am.

I never questioned how I acted or how I felt. If I wanted to go out without brushing my hair or even my teeth, I wouldn’t have a second thought (even though my mom would not let me leave the house without doing the two). I would wear whatever I wanted despite it being completely mismatched and downright embarrassing. I would dance and sing, up and down store aisles with a big smile plastered on my face while my mom shopped and not have a care in the world. I was just completely and utterly myself. 

But once you become a pre-teen and start going through puberty, it’s like a switch goes off. You start analyzing every feature of your face and body.

Noticing your crooked teeth or how you have a little extra skin on the side of your hips.

You start comparing yourself to others. With not only physical appearances but their minds.

You begin to change the way you think to fit everyone else. You no longer want to be yourself but a clone of what you see as ‘perfect’. And that’s when you lose yourself. This specific part is just the beginning stages. 

Once you try that and find that it’s not a path worth following and that being yourself is the only key. It’s then growing comfortable with who you are and really discovering yourself entirely. 

And to do that, it honestly takes time and a lot of experiences. Experiences that shake you to your core and make you realize that sometimes you are the only person that you can rely on. Moments where you see how amazing you are and how fortunate you are to have a beautiful life like this.

You need a mix of the good and bad to show what life is really about. 

How you act, the mistakes you make, and all the in between show you, yourself. 

You aren’t perfect (If you think you are, you may need a slight wake up call).

Nobody is perfect and as time passes and things go on, you realize that.

You accept the fact that you cry a lot. You accept that you are sensitive and emotions come over you like massive waves that pull you down. You accept that you’ve been in the wrong. You accept that you lash out and hurt the people you love most. You accept that you are human.

You will stumble and fall but you will also get up and conquer. 

You learn and learn and learn. 

I don’t think you ever truly find yourself until you are old and grey.

When you have seen the ugly and beautiful parts of life that leave you breathless. After seeing the life you made for yourself and all of the people you have loved throughout it; you welcome who you are with open arms.

Because every moment, every triumph, every fail, every person you meet, has led you to where you are; to the person, you were meant to be.

I am still figuring out who I am and I know it’s going to take a long time but I’m here for the ride.

Love, 

Fate

“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

This is a saying that I have a love/hate relationship with.

It makes me frustrated because you have the power to change your life at any moment. You can make things happen. You don’t just let life take the wheel and hope for the best. You can make it happen, yourself.

But after multiple times of musing over it, using it to understand problems, and just life itself. I came to realize how true it all is.

If something is meant to happen, it will happen. Regardless of what you do to hinder it or make it occur.

Do you ever hear those stories where a married couple talks about how they met, it all kind of happened by chance? They either worked at the same store or she dropped her wallet and he was the guy who picked it up and gave it back to her or they just happened to sit next to each other on a plane and hit it off.

All of these moments I had thought were just occurring by chance but maybe it’s really what was meant to happen. Even if these people didn’t meet in that way, they would have just met in another way because it was always the path they were meant to take.

All of these stories led to love and then the rest of their lives together. And that’s when I believe in the saying. That’s when I believe in fate.

It’s a hard concept to fully believe when you go through awful situations and painful heartbreak.

But maybe it’s time to just let go and just know that you are going to be okay. You are going down the path you are meant to be in.

Maybe its time to put your faith into the universe, into fate; as naive as it may sound.

Love,

You Will Always Be Most Important

“Do what makes your soul happy.”

It has always been one of my favorite sayings.

The most important thing in your life is your happiness.

You could live to make everyone else happy but when you get in your warm bed at the end of the night, cuddled up with blankets, the darkness, and left with your thoughts; that’s when it hits you.

You have this deep pain that resonates from within you, making you uncomfortable in your own skin.

Dissatisfaction.

The smile that you may have carried on throughout the day, wavers entirely.

Your thoughts feel like a looming dark cloud. You do everything you can to avoid them.

Maybe if you act happy, you will be happy. You are making all the people around you happy so that’s all that matters.

That’s what you repeat to yourself over and over again.

The truth of it all is who gives a shit about anyone else’s happiness?

Make your decisions based upon your own values. Don’t think about what your parents, friends, acquaintances, or what people on social media will think.

You are not them.

You are not living their life.

You are you.

You are living your life.

Your morals and views may differ completely and that is okay.

What makes you happy, doesn’t have to make anyone else happy but you.

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