Letting Go

People make it look so easy. I can’t tell you the number of people I have seen/heard of who come right out of a relationship only to go into a new one or hook up with a bunch of randoms to feel something.

But that just isn’t me.

When I love someone, I love them with every fiber of my being. I give them my all and sometimes it leaves me more vulnerable and hurt in the end.

That’s the risk you take when you decide to be with someone, isn’t it?

You risk getting heartbroken for the beautiful, all-consuming love. Falling in love with someone can never be a mistake. For falling in love is one of the most amazing feelings in the entire world. Nothing beats the feeling of having someone who loves you just as much as you do them. To know that they have your back and it’s both of you against the world is indescribable.

Falling in love changes you. It pushes you past limits you didn’t even know you had. It makes you question yourself and the morals you held before.

It can build you and break you down, all at once.

There’s never been a moment where I have regretted the love I have put forth regardless of the pain that it has left behind.

Letting go of that love is nearly impossible. You can’t simply unlove another human being. You can try and block them on everything, never see them again, and to never think about them again (also near to impossible because you are human) but that feeling will always remain. It may fade as the years go by of not seeing them. And yes, you will fall out of love with them eventually. But you will always love them and care for them regardless of the situation that was at hand before.

Those moments you shared with them can’t be erased. They are etched within your brain and heart.

But you can move forward and accept that the love you had will always be a part of you. It can teach you lessons and make you treasure your next love even more.

Letting go and moving on is a necessity, at times. Whether it’s relationships that just didn’t work out or relationships that outgrew one another, it ends and you have to go on.

It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to cause you so much pain but you have got this. Whatever the situation may be, just keep pushing through.

All you may see right now is darkness and negativity. Holding the belief that you will never find someone else again.

But you will. You will be happy again. You will venture out of the darkness and into the light. You will be able to love again, to open your heart again. And when you do, it will be even more open to love. Give yourself time, do not rush.

Just let go and keep moving on. Focus on bettering yourself as much as you can and everything else will follow through.

Love,

 

 

Living In The Past

It’s a hard thing to let go of things, at least for me.

I have a tendency to dwell on past occurrences and it winds up just biting me in the ass. Sometimes holding onto things can be beneficial if it comes to bettering yourself. But all in all, you just got to move on.

You have to trust that the universe or whoever is out there watching over you, wants you to let that negativity go and simply learn from it.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be open to change. It’s okay to forgive the past and move on.

Don’t you realize when you hold onto moments of anger, resentment, sadness, and betrayal that you start to feel more negative and pessimistic about life?

That has to say something in itself.

So stop living in the past. Forgive those who have betrayed you or done you wrong. Accept that people have made mistakes, just as you have.

Don’t look back, keep moving forward. Now it’s your time to focus on the present and being the best self you can possibly be.

I promise you will live a life that is more fulfilling and happier.

Love,

I Am Free!

After all of the grueling days spent with fevers and an endless amount of pain, I am finally free.

I got out my PICC line out along with stopping all of the antibiotics and I couldn’t be happier.

I feel good, for once. My lungs don’t feel as though a pile of bricks is on them. I am no longer coughing to the point that I throw up. I am able to actually stand and go about life without possibly fainting.

I am also happy to announce that I am officially going to England this summer. It was a spur of the moment decision I made a month or so ago, I was able to get in all the documents, forms, and payments. Now it is official that I am heading off and I am so so excited.

I will only be gone for three weeks where I will take a creative writing course of some sort to get credits. I do not know what to expect but I do have family over there so hopefully, they can guide me if everything gets to be too much.

I love traveling and I always will. Being admitted through the dates that I was supposed to go on a trip was absolutely devastating. But you can’t plan for things to happen (now I know to always purchase travel insurance), life works in its own way.

In the hospital, I just kept thinking of getting away and seeing the most beautiful views in England.

Speaking of when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t tell you how grateful I was for all of the people who stopped to visit me. Even though it wasn’t that long of a stay, people came to see me and it meant the absolute world to me. So to those special people, thank you so so much for giving me company, cards, sweet treats, etc. I will always remember it and cherish you.

This admission was different than most because I truly was going about my medical decisions by myself. I spent every night alone and handled my doctors without my family. I actually felt like an adult for once and yes, it was terrifying but it kind of felt good too.

Twenty is really changing who I am and I am just going along with it.

Love,

 

 

Fate

“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

This is a saying that I have a love/hate relationship with.

It makes me frustrated because you have the power to change your life at any moment. You can make things happen. You don’t just let life take the wheel and hope for the best. You can make it happen, yourself.

But after multiple times of musing over it, using it to understand problems, and just life itself. I came to realize how true it all is.

If something is meant to happen, it will happen. Regardless of what you do to hinder it or make it occur.

Do you ever hear those stories where a married couple talks about how they met, it all kind of happened by chance? They either worked at the same store or she dropped her wallet and he was the guy who picked it up and gave it back to her or they just happened to sit next to each other on a plane and hit it off.

All of these moments I had thought were just occurring by chance but maybe it’s really what was meant to happen. Even if these people didn’t meet in that way, they would have just met in another way because it was always the path they were meant to take.

All of these stories led to love and then the rest of their lives together. And that’s when I believe in the saying. That’s when I believe in fate.

It’s a hard concept to fully believe when you go through awful situations and painful heartbreak.

But maybe it’s time to just let go and just know that you are going to be okay. You are going down the path you are meant to be in.

Maybe its time to put your faith into the universe, into fate; as naive as it may sound.

Love,