The Hard Times

All I could feel was shooting pain in my abdomen and chest as I awoke from my drugged daze. It felt as though I couldn’t breathe and I started gasping for air.

I had oxygen pouring through the cannula in my nose yet it felt like every breath was not full, the pain resonating through my body leaving me in tears.

I looked around me to see someone I loved or knew. I was so scared. All I remember were seeing the doctors and nurses talking, telling me to relax and that they will give me more medication to help with the pain. Then darkness.

The next time I woke up, my mom and my grandmother were by my side and I had never been more appreciative than at that moment.

It’s when you go through the absolute hardest things in life, you realize who truly has your back; the people that are willing to be there no matter what difficulties you may be facing.

I was and am currently going through one of those very rough times. I am in excruciating pain because of my gallbladder surgery. Getting the surgery done has also affected my lungs which have led to an endless amount of coughing and crying in pain because of it.

Recovering from a surgery results in a plethora of time with yourself and your thoughts. It’s easy to feel isolated when watching through your phone, the lives of friends, family, and acquaintances living their life. And it’s easy to feel even more isolated when some of the people you love don’t reach out nor try to lend a comforting hand when you are going through those hard times.

Yes, I am strong and can deal with many of life’s obstacles with a smile. But that doesn’t mean that I am not suffering or in need of support time after time.

Living with a life-threatening illness, there’s this heartbreaking moment that forces its way into your life. The moment where you realize the people you thought would be there for you through absolutely everything, wind up letting you down.

In a way, it narrows down the people who truly care about you and the people who don’t.

It also makes you appreciate the amazing people in your life. Those that hold your hand through the ups and downs. Those who wipe away your tears and tell you that everything is going to be okay.  Those who run to get you your favorite food at Chic fil a. Those who send you mail filled with love and prayer. Those who come over just to lay down on the couch with you and watch movies.

Those are the special people and I am lucky enough to have them in my life.

It’s also through these hard times, that I have seen an outpouring of love. From people sending me messages to Facebook posts to getting me little gifts that make me smile. So many amazing people that have honestly made recovering easier and has given me the most positive outlook.

So this is for all of those people who have had my back and have supported me recently (and always), thank you so so much. I honestly don’t know what I would do without all of your love. I appreciate you more than you know and I will always remember how you were there for me.

Love,

I Am Struggling

A lot is going on in my life right now and I feel as though it is never-ending.

I wish things could just work out the way you wanted. I wish relationships didn’t have to end. I wish people didn’t have to leave. I wish that people didn’t get sick. I wish that the heart wasn’t so fragile. I wish that I didn’t feel everything as a stab to the heart.

I just wish that everything was okay.

But it’s not and I am struggling. People are so afraid to admit that, why? Isn’t struggling a part of life?

Struggle promotes change.

Change gives light to new perspectives and new ways of life. Although I always hated change, I am slowly growing onto the love relationship of it all.

I believe that there is a set path for everyone in life. Wherever life takes you, it was meant to be.

So change may be annoying and inevitable, causing us to struggle for a period of time but it’s the path we need to take to get to our destination (where ever that may be).

So keep struggling because eventually, you won’t be. There’s always those brief moments of time where everything is okay when a smile doesn’t leave your face, and there is no longer a pit in your stomach. Just got to keep fighting for that time.

On a side note, I made a video for my cystic fibrosis story. I am not sure what I am going to be doing on my channel but I am just hoping that one video can make a difference and spread awareness.

Let me know if you enjoyed it and if you enjoyed this blog post!

Love,