The Little Things

A little bit of a life update: I am currently in the hospital for a lung exacerbation and it sucks. It sucks more than the usual sucking because I had planned on traveling this week. Timing is the absolute worst especially when you try to plan things out, even more so, when you have a life-threatening lung disease.

It is now two days since I stepped foot into the emergency room of the hospital. I was in pain; every breath seemed to exert far more energy than usual, my head throbbing, sweating and then growing cold again, and my cough left me huddled in a ball trying to hinder the pain as much as I could. It honestly felt like it would never end.

With my mom by my side, we sat in the chairs waiting. My name hadn’t even been called to put in the system. I held a box of tissues in my sweaty palm while a mask covered my face making it even harder to breathe. And then the tears just came pouring down, I couldn’t stop them.

It was another one of those life-defining moments. Those moments where it seems you are looking at yourself from a third person view. Seeing myself, pale, hunched over, having shameless tears that were slowly absorbing into my mask. This was the Caity I didn’t want to see nor did I like seeing.

I wanted to be the glowy, happy Caity that only had to worry about school, her job, and the people in her life.

I wanted to be the Caity that could travel to any place and be okay.

But that wasn’t me and the reality of it all is this Caity is always going to be around. Cystic fibrosis is going to have an impact on me for the rest of my life. It will always be a part of me.

So although I may not like seeing myself in such a state, I have to accept it.

Because the thing about us, as people, is we forget that we are human beings.

Human beings that go through so much, the wear and tear of the soul and the body. Every day we are constantly faced with a challenge and it might not be a life-altering one but it still affects you and everything in your life.

You aren’t perfect and that’s 100% okay. Because it’s in those moments where you feel at your absolute worst where you truly see how strong and amazing you are. It shows that you are real and struggle and I find that beautiful.

I still don’t know for sure how long I will be in here (I will keep you all updated). I still find ways to appreciate the little things like getting sour patch kids or having amazing people come and visit me to make my day. The love from my family and friends through every platform (texts, phone calls, Facebook posts/comments, etc.) mean the world to me and I am so grateful for the people in my life.

It’s really the little things that help you push through.

Love,

T w e n t y

By the time you see this, I am twenty-years-old.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Caity.

Today is my birthday.

The day that I was given a life to live in any way I wanted.

It’s surreal to think how we were born with a clean slate. There was no past that followed us, no mistakes, no heartbreak, no pressures, we were simply brought into this world.

As we got older, we transformed into our own person where we made memories, friends, mistakes, and went through the unbearable. All parts of life that molded us into the people we have become.

I have now spent two decades on this earth.

Twenty birthdays.

7,300 days lived.

175,200 hours spent.

All of that time.

It may not seem like much but it’s been filled with the best moments of my life–so far–and the absolute worst.

At nine my life had changed forever, I found out I had Cystic Fibrosis. I also was gifted with the most amazing sister.

At ten, I would come to realize that I was sick and I was going to be sick for the rest of my life. Hospitalizations and medications were going to be a necessity for me to live.

At eleven, I would write in the pages of my journal every day to get out all the frustrations scrambling in my mind.

At twelve, I thought having side-bangs was the best hairstyle ever. I called myself a ‘skater-girl’ even though, I never owned a skateboard nor did I ride one.

At thirteen, I wanted to be like every other teenager. I also fell in love with Twilight and the idea of ‘love’, let’s just say I was embarrassingly obsessed with Edward and Bella.

At fourteen, I tried very hard to fit in with the ‘popular’ crowd. After feeling empty, I knew that I was the best person to be.

At fifteen, I had my third sinus surgery and multiple hospitalizations. Books and movies were my escape from any pain.

At sixteen, I really started to love and appreciate who I was, inside and out. Nothing beats that self-realization.

At seventeen, I met a person who changed my life entirely. Life started to get very real when putting in college applications and thinking about the future.

At eighteen, I was blissfully happy. I got accepted into my school, fell in love, and had the best memories.

At nineteen, between college and new changes, it shook me to my core. I had changed more than I ever had before.

I also found my voice, writing, to you all.

I am so grateful for everything I have been given in life and for all the things that have happened to me. I have seen the worst of the worst and been through my fair share of it too but in all of it, it’s given me that reason to wake up in the morning hoping that day will be one of the best days of my life.

For I have also experienced the most amazing moments, filled with so much love and happiness. All the pain is worth the parts of life that leave you with that warm feeling in the pit of your stomach, where life seems too good to be true, that you are way too lucky. In those moments, I take a deep breath, look around me, and I take in every minute of that pure joy and remind myself to never forget it.

At twenty…well, I still have memories to make and lessons to learn. But I’ll keep you updated on all of that.

So here’s to twenty years on this earth, and many more decades to come.

Love,

Blush Pink Stripes Black Clothing Label

· Never forget that you are beautiful, you are amazing, and you deserve everything you want in this world ·

Made: 1/14/2018