Scotland

If there is a place that I love more than anything now, it has to be Scotland.

It is truly beautiful, inside and out. There is so much history hidden behind the walls and curves of every road. It honestly feels as though you are in a movie or a book. There are so many nooks and crannies; from alley ways to hidden walkways that lead to unique shops and cafes.

You can see the beautiful Edinburgh castle, resting on the edge of a cliff. Looking as if it is about to tip over into the picturesque town. Brief glimpses of the castle pours through the spaces in between buildings.

When we had first gotten here, a smile was plastered to my face. I couldn’t help it, Scotland has a way of doing that to you.

So far we have gone on the infamous Harry Potter tour (which is free by the way), a night ghost tour, Edinburgh castle, New Town, and Old town.

You could sit in a cafe, reading, writing, and even people watching for hours at a time. The streets are filled with stores and covered with merchants in small tents. You also have the entertainers doing magic tricks, playing instruments, or simply just having a very cute dog with sunglasses on.

We are leaving tomorrow and we have sadly only been here for one full day but it was completely worth it.

I am in shell shock and wish endlessly to spend more time here.

Love,

Caity

P.S. here are some pics from the trip đź’› https://breathingwithcaity.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/img_2336.mov

Living In The Past

It’s a hard thing to let go of things, at least for me.

I have a tendency to dwell on past occurrences and it winds up just biting me in the ass. Sometimes holding onto things can be beneficial if it comes to bettering yourself. But all in all, you just got to move on.

You have to trust that the universe or whoever is out there watching over you, wants you to let that negativity go and simply learn from it.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be open to change. It’s okay to forgive the past and move on.

Don’t you realize when you hold onto moments of anger, resentment, sadness, and betrayal that you start to feel more negative and pessimistic about life?

That has to say something in itself.

So stop living in the past. Forgive those who have betrayed you or done you wrong. Accept that people have made mistakes, just as you have.

Don’t look back, keep moving forward. Now it’s your time to focus on the present and being the best self you can possibly be.

I promise you will live a life that is more fulfilling and happier.

Love,

I Am Free!

After all of the grueling days spent with fevers and an endless amount of pain, I am finally free.

I got out my PICC line out along with stopping all of the antibiotics and I couldn’t be happier.

I feel good, for once. My lungs don’t feel as though a pile of bricks is on them. I am no longer coughing to the point that I throw up. I am able to actually stand and go about life without possibly fainting.

I am also happy to announce that I am officially going to England this summer. It was a spur of the moment decision I made a month or so ago, I was able to get in all the documents, forms, and payments. Now it is official that I am heading off and I am so so excited.

I will only be gone for three weeks where I will take a creative writing course of some sort to get credits. I do not know what to expect but I do have family over there so hopefully, they can guide me if everything gets to be too much.

I love traveling and I always will. Being admitted through the dates that I was supposed to go on a trip was absolutely devastating. But you can’t plan for things to happen (now I know to always purchase travel insurance), life works in its own way.

In the hospital, I just kept thinking of getting away and seeing the most beautiful views in England.

Speaking of when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t tell you how grateful I was for all of the people who stopped to visit me. Even though it wasn’t that long of a stay, people came to see me and it meant the absolute world to me. So to those special people, thank you so so much for giving me company, cards, sweet treats, etc. I will always remember it and cherish you.

This admission was different than most because I truly was going about my medical decisions by myself. I spent every night alone and handled my doctors without my family. I actually felt like an adult for once and yes, it was terrifying but it kind of felt good too.

Twenty is really changing who I am and I am just going along with it.

Love,

 

 

The Little Things

A little bit of a life update: I am currently in the hospital for a lung exacerbation and it sucks. It sucks more than the usual sucking because I had planned on traveling this week. Timing is the absolute worst especially when you try to plan things out, even more so, when you have a life-threatening lung disease.

It is now two days since I stepped foot into the emergency room of the hospital. I was in pain; every breath seemed to exert far more energy than usual, my head throbbing, sweating and then growing cold again, and my cough left me huddled in a ball trying to hinder the pain as much as I could. It honestly felt like it would never end.

With my mom by my side, we sat in the chairs waiting. My name hadn’t even been called to put in the system. I held a box of tissues in my sweaty palm while a mask covered my face making it even harder to breathe. And then the tears just came pouring down, I couldn’t stop them.

It was another one of those life-defining moments. Those moments where it seems you are looking at yourself from a third person view. Seeing myself, pale, hunched over, having shameless tears that were slowly absorbing into my mask. This was the Caity I didn’t want to see nor did I like seeing.

I wanted to be the glowy, happy Caity that only had to worry about school, her job, and the people in her life.

I wanted to be the Caity that could travel to any place and be okay.

But that wasn’t me and the reality of it all is this Caity is always going to be around. Cystic fibrosis is going to have an impact on me for the rest of my life. It will always be a part of me.

So although I may not like seeing myself in such a state, I have to accept it.

Because the thing about us, as people, is we forget that we are human beings.

Human beings that go through so much, the wear and tear of the soul and the body. Every day we are constantly faced with a challenge and it might not be a life-altering one but it still affects you and everything in your life.

You aren’t perfect and that’s 100% okay. Because it’s in those moments where you feel at your absolute worst where you truly see how strong and amazing you are. It shows that you are real and struggle and I find that beautiful.

I still don’t know for sure how long I will be in here (I will keep you all updated). I still find ways to appreciate the little things like getting sour patch kids or having amazing people come and visit me to make my day. The love from my family and friends through every platform (texts, phone calls, Facebook posts/comments, etc.) mean the world to me and I am so grateful for the people in my life.

It’s really the little things that help you push through.

Love,

Toronto, Canada (Day 3 and 4)

The journey continued into our two final days in Canada. The third day was spent exploring Toronto as much as we could. While the fourth day we squeezed in one more sight before heading back home.

On the third day, we went through the Fashion District, Kensington Market, and the Distillery District. The beginning of the day was spent in the Fashion District where we went in a bunch of different antique places and vintage clothing stores. To see all the different fabrics and designs dispersed through the clothing of different stores was fascinating. We were always welcomed with big smiles and questions as to where we were from.

From there we went to the Grafitti Wall. It was below zero but we were able to get a few pictures and tried to admire the artwork as much as we could. We also spent some of our time at one of the biggest malls I had ever been to, the CF Toronto Eaton Centre.

Our next stop was the Distillery District that had a plethora of shops and art. We had stopped in a building filled with art that had four floors. There were artists that had their doors open so people could come and admire their work. We talked to a few artists who explained their pieces to us.

The final night came to an end in a Mexican radio bar with Modelos, quesadillas, and some churros. We packed the car ready to leave for the next day. Upset that we couldn’t spend more time in a place where we made so many memories and laughs.

We woke up at 7 am prepared for the long drive but of course, we had to go to one last place to adventure; Niagara Falls.

Let me just tell you, if you have not been here before, it is a must that you go some point in your life. It was the most breathtaking view I have ever seen in my entire life. Driving up the road to see the very edges of the falls and the blue hues that resonated, was astounding

It was so beautiful.

We walked our way through the path, eager to see Niagara Falls in its entirety. All you could hear was the crashing of the water. You felt complete and utter peace. The water was an unexpected teal blue with darker hues interwoven within it. An eerie mist arose from the falls and made it even more breathtaking.

After seeing that, we picked up a few things from the souvenir shop and continued our eight-hour drive.

Canada, thank you for all of the amazing moments you gave me. You were the first place I traveled to without any supervision. You were the place that truly threw me into needing to travel as much as I can.

Don’t worry, I am coming back. Whether it’s this summer or next year, I can’t wait to make even more amazing memories with you.

Love,

Toronto, Canada (Day 1 and 2)

I have never done so much nor had so much fun in just the bit of time that I have spent at a place like I have here.

My cousin, her two college besties and I, road tripped from New Jersey to Canada with only knowing where we were staying.

Not a day was planned out. We obviously made a list of things we had to see and do but other then that, it was all up in the air and I absolutely loved it.

The trip to Toronto, Canada started at 4 am and ended around 12 pm. I was only living on three hours of sleep so I could barely keep my eyes open but we made it (thank god).

It was actually kind of peaceful, driving. Everyone else was passed out while I just played my jams cruising down the winding roads (which I didn’t realize how dangerous they could be even if you tried to stay at the speed limit).

The car ride was spent either sleeping, stopping at Dunkin, getting gas, gossiping, jamming out, or searching up what to expect when we got to the border.

Right when we got to Canada, we screamed our heads off because we couldn’t believe that we actually did it.

Us, 19/20 year olds, going to another country all by ourselves. It was a pretty big deal to us at least.

After driving further into Canada, we went to a restaurant around our Air B and B called Loose Moose. They had the best burgers ever and it was super artsy.

After that we got to our Air B and B and slept for a few hours since we were all pretty exhausted.

We woke up, made more food, and went out to the town. We looked up different bars we could go to and went for it.

The first bar we went to wasn’t really for the younger crowd but we still hung around and had a good time.

The next bar was called the Underground. It was covered in different colored lights and bras were strung across the ceiling like decorations. Music blasted from the speakers and from the moment we stepped into the place, we couldn’t stop dancing.

We had an amazing time meeting very different kinds of people. The night ended with a visit to Tim Hortons (which is kind of like a Dunkin Donuts mixed with a Wawa). As we tripped and stumbled our way back home, we couldn’t stop laughing and talking about everything that happened earlier in the night.

I didn’t know Kristina’s college friends all that much but we definitely got to grow closer from all the memories we made. They are the sweetest, most kindest people.

That was just all the first day and the second day would be even better.

We spent the second day going to the CN tower, it was so beautiful to see the city and everything that surrounded it. We also went to Ripleys aquarium that had a 360 view of the shark tank which was pretty awesome.

For dinner, we went to a restaurant that Drake, the rapper, had been involved with (he named it). It was so delicious and a bit more expensive than anything else we ate in Canada but definitely worth it all.

Our day turned into a night spent at a Harry Potter themed bar called, The Lockhart. If you love Harry Potter (even just a little bit), you HAVE to go here. From drinks to the posters and art that covered the walls, it made you feel like you were truly in Harry Potter.

We only have two days left here but I plan to spend all of them the right way. I can’t wait for more memories to be made. I feel so lucky to be able to even experience this and do it with amazing people who truly bring out the best in me.

Love,

Here is the video I finally got done:

I Want To Travel The World

If there’s one thing that I want to do in life, its to travel the world.

I want to experience every culture, see every country, and be in the shoe’s of others lives.

I want my perspective to change and grow.

I want to be amazed at all the beauty that lies within the roots of humanity.

To see how different we are, yet how similar.

To meet people who influence my mind in ways I didn’t even know were possible.

I want my breath to catch at the sight of something so magnificent.

I just want to live life so fully that I look back later in life and say, “God damn, was I lucky”.

I want an endless amount of memories from my travels, no matter how far or close they may be.

I am ready to take on this world and travel across it, as much as I can.

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