I have a bit of anxiety typing right now. I haven’t written on this platform in so long, I miss it but also fear it. I guess I should start from where I’ve been these past few months.
I have been struggling immensely with just feeling myself again. I went through something pretty life-changing in the beginning of this year. It left my heart torn open and my mind in a place that I never thought possible.
I hope to open up about that in a post. For now, its better left unsaid until I tell all of the people I love.
So these past few months have been filled with a lot of healing, going to therapy, pushing through school, and just trying to find me again. Some weeks flew by and I barely had any idea what I did in the time of those weeks, I was on such auto-pilot.
All I would keep doing is telling myself to push through until school was over. Then I could have my mental breakdowns, sleep for days, and cry for as long as I wanted (all not good things to do but at some points is needed).
I would say up until May, when I finally finished classes and finals, is when I could actually look at my mental health for once.
Although therapy has been such a great help in finding the source of my issues and consistently talking them through; I still felt this gaping hole in my heart. I felt that something had been taken from me, an innocence. A piece of me that I wouldn’t ever get back and I have had to learn how to mend that emptiness with love.
Love from my family, friends, boyfriend, and from my self.
It is so extremely important to take care of yourself. I never really realized how important it was because I always focused on taking care of the people around me. But going through what I have this past year, I have come to see that you need to make yourself a priority. Taking care of myself is essential and everyone follows afterwards.
I’ve been trying to implement self-care into my routine. Whether it’s doing yoga/meditation every morning, writing as much as I can, or just taking it easy on myself; I try. I tend to always be so hard on myself, if you are like me; here is your sign to cut your self some slack.
You are amazing, beautiful, intelligent and bad-ass. Treat yourself and love yourself. Know that everything you are doing is more than enough.
I hope that reading this post will make you think about yourself. How you can add things to your life that make you happy or make you feel good. Because you DESERVE every bit of it.