I’ve had this predicament ever since I started my teenage years. As a kid, I always was just who I am.
I never questioned how I acted or how I felt. If I wanted to go out without brushing my hair or even my teeth, I wouldn’t have a second thought (even though my mom would not let me leave the house without doing the two). I would wear whatever I wanted despite it being completely mismatched and downright embarrassing. I would dance and sing, up and down store aisles with a big smile plastered on my face while my mom shopped and not have a care in the world. I was just completely and utterly myself.
But once you become a pre-teen and start going through puberty, it’s like a switch goes off. You start analyzing every feature of your face and body.
Noticing your crooked teeth or how you have a little extra skin on the side of your hips.
You start comparing yourself to others. With not only physical appearances but their minds.
You begin to change the way you think to fit everyone else. You no longer want to be yourself but a clone of what you see as ‘perfect’. And that’s when you lose yourself. This specific part is just the beginning stages.
Once you try that and find that it’s not a path worth following and that being yourself is the only key. It’s then growing comfortable with who you are and really discovering yourself entirely.
And to do that, it honestly takes time and a lot of experiences. Experiences that shake you to your core and make you realize that sometimes you are the only person that you can rely on. Moments where you see how amazing you are and how fortunate you are to have a beautiful life like this.
You need a mix of the good and bad to show what life is really about.
How you act, the mistakes you make, and all the in between show you, yourself.
You aren’t perfect (If you think you are, you may need a slight wake up call).
Nobody is perfect and as time passes and things go on, you realize that.
You accept the fact that you cry a lot. You accept that you are sensitive and emotions come over you like massive waves that pull you down. You accept that you’ve been in the wrong. You accept that you lash out and hurt the people you love most. You accept that you are human.
You will stumble and fall but you will also get up and conquer.
You learn and learn and learn.
I don’t think you ever truly find yourself until you are old and grey.
When you have seen the ugly and beautiful parts of life that leave you breathless. After seeing the life you made for yourself and all of the people you have loved throughout it; you welcome who you are with open arms.
Because every moment, every triumph, every fail, every person you meet, has led you to where you are; to the person, you were meant to be.
I am still figuring out who I am and I know it’s going to take a long time but I’m here for the ride.